…I am a dead leaf upon your branch. I hold the same shape as always, but I have changed. I am dead to you. It makes no matter how long you cling to me. You would have me sit in stasis, coldly upon your unbending will. Don’t you see… Eventually I will either fall or be swept away. Yet, you rest in brittle defiance. Hibernating in ignorance, rooted in place, you’d rather see me browning and decaying. You’d rather see me beneath you than swept off to more lively adventures…
I wrote this at the beginning of last semester when I was having a rough time and doubting myself and where I was going to end up (existential dread, oh my!). This was never meant to be seen by anyone, but it was called to mind today, and I figure I should take a chance and branch out (no pun intended). I think this feeling was reflected in my first blog post regarding my thoughts on Edmonton. I mentioned that I felt stuck within the city's limits - constrained.
I feel now that the feeling of suppression within Edmonton is likely, in part, my own fault. As we've talked about movement through the city, I've become more aware of my habits in terms of transportation. I'm all about efficiency. I drive my boyfriend nuts because I insist on walking diagonally across the street to maximize efficiency in terms of getting to my location. When driving, I take the time to determine the quickest possible route, factoring in red-lights and time spent stopped. If I get stopped at certain lights, I'll turn onto the next road rather than waiting. I get miffed at people who stop to chat in the middle of walkways, because it means having to walk around them. I hate being stopped by people I know as I'm en route to a specific location. I don't use the streets as a social networking system --- that's what Facebook is for. Altogether, my impatient and OCD personality combine to work *against* Edmonton and it's layout. I'm constricting its borders even tighter around me as I try to break through them all for time's sake. I don't take my time to see or enjoy the city as I commute because I'm too busy getting places, rather than enjoying new places or enjoying the prospect of becoming entwined within the city's workings.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
A SWEet Valentine's Concert
If anyone was interested, the Symphonic Wind Ensemble (SWE) is playing a concert this Sunday, February 13 at 7pm in the Myer Horowitz theater. Tix are $5 for students. We'll be playing the piece I referenced in my last post =) And I have a solo that I'm scared to death to play, heh.
Just trying to get the ensemble's name out there a bit more!
Just trying to get the ensemble's name out there a bit more!
Friday, February 11, 2011
I once was lost, but now I'm found...
Looking back on English 380 --- It doesn't feel very much like an English class, and I don't mean that in any negative way whatsoever. More classes, I think, should be organized like this one. The classroom setting doesn't feel so restricted, formal, and boring. Discussing more controversial subjects in such an open and honest manner has led to a wonderful class environment with brilliant insight into the city, its issues, its subcultures, and much more.
Obviously, among the more surprising things to learn about Edmonton was the prevalent drag scene. Actually, reading details about any clubbing/drug/party scene is interesting to me simply because I'm a more sheltered individual by choice. To me, clubbing or going out was just an expensive waste of time for people who need alcohol to have a good time.Being submerged in a subculture so thrilling, independent and carefree is inspiring in many ways to me because I've never been remotely into any such scenes myself, let alone bothered to educate myself about the under-workings of the city.
The single thing that has surprised me most about this course is how I see Edmonton now. I wouldn't say that I've undergone a full transformation by any means... but the city seems so much more optimistic... or open... or free. I was driving home the other day and I took time just to notice how the trees seem to grasp over groat road, and the pine trees stand straight, tall, and proud upon the hills on either side. I looked north from campus, across the river to behold Edmonton's downtown skyline, my eyes traveling from west to east settling upon apartment buildings, office buildings of differing architecture, then the dome of the legislature --- As describe in Coyote Kings. I'm beginning to embrace and appreciate the diversity Edmonton boasts. I don't dread campus anymore because of its ratty, rundown buildings and the sense that I'm stuck here against my will only because I have to be. I see opportunity, I see freedom to choose what I want, I see people within the ratty old buildings working on building the rest of their lives.
Corny (and tangential) moment of the day: We're playing a piece in Wind Ensemble titled Emblems by Aaron Copland -- Very famous composer, and *very* American and patriotic. Our conductor was giving us a pep-talk before we played a run-through of the piece about how it's quintessentially American, how it has glimpses of "Amazing Grace" embedded within the original ideas Copland composed, but she was saying that it's still a powerful and meaningful piece even for Canadians. She asked that we give the piece a chance, accept it, and let it be what it is --- And then, we will truly see how marvelous the piece is. I think that this "patriotism" paired with the notion of accepting things for what they are and giving them a chance to see their true glory has really helped me in the past couple of weeks to see Edmonton and begin to accept it as my home.
Obviously, among the more surprising things to learn about Edmonton was the prevalent drag scene. Actually, reading details about any clubbing/drug/party scene is interesting to me simply because I'm a more sheltered individual by choice. To me, clubbing or going out was just an expensive waste of time for people who need alcohol to have a good time.Being submerged in a subculture so thrilling, independent and carefree is inspiring in many ways to me because I've never been remotely into any such scenes myself, let alone bothered to educate myself about the under-workings of the city.
The single thing that has surprised me most about this course is how I see Edmonton now. I wouldn't say that I've undergone a full transformation by any means... but the city seems so much more optimistic... or open... or free. I was driving home the other day and I took time just to notice how the trees seem to grasp over groat road, and the pine trees stand straight, tall, and proud upon the hills on either side. I looked north from campus, across the river to behold Edmonton's downtown skyline, my eyes traveling from west to east settling upon apartment buildings, office buildings of differing architecture, then the dome of the legislature --- As describe in Coyote Kings. I'm beginning to embrace and appreciate the diversity Edmonton boasts. I don't dread campus anymore because of its ratty, rundown buildings and the sense that I'm stuck here against my will only because I have to be. I see opportunity, I see freedom to choose what I want, I see people within the ratty old buildings working on building the rest of their lives.
Corny (and tangential) moment of the day: We're playing a piece in Wind Ensemble titled Emblems by Aaron Copland -- Very famous composer, and *very* American and patriotic. Our conductor was giving us a pep-talk before we played a run-through of the piece about how it's quintessentially American, how it has glimpses of "Amazing Grace" embedded within the original ideas Copland composed, but she was saying that it's still a powerful and meaningful piece even for Canadians. She asked that we give the piece a chance, accept it, and let it be what it is --- And then, we will truly see how marvelous the piece is. I think that this "patriotism" paired with the notion of accepting things for what they are and giving them a chance to see their true glory has really helped me in the past couple of weeks to see Edmonton and begin to accept it as my home.
Friday, February 4, 2011
This one time at band camp...
We've all heard stories about band kids doing wild things at band camp. And in a sense, the stories are right(?) A place of refuge of sorts for me was always my summer band camp. 2 weeks long. Nothing but playing wonderful music with wonderful people from all over the province. It was a home away from home for many of us Alberta band geeks. My fellow bandies were always so much more open at camp than I think they were in other settings. What admittedly shocked me a little at first was how open many of the campers were about their sexuality - a large portion of our band identified as homosexual or bisexual. No one judged. Music knows no gender... Why would it matter?
What I'm getting at here is that some of this kids *did* come from Rocky Mountain House, like Darrin Hagen, and some kids *did* come from other small towns in Alberta where differences in sexuality still aren't embraced. MusiCamp Alberta at Red Deer College, for 2 weeks, permitted and promoted the true Self. Aside from the overall environment and the accepting people, I have a silly notion in my head that the music itself coaxed people out into the open - you put yourself into your music, you fill it with your emotions and expressions and your very essence in many ways. Everyone was putting themselves out there on display for everyone to hear, and we all loved to listen.
I've since observed that many music- and art-oriented scenes and gatherings boast many more people who are open with their sexuality and their sexuality differences than other groups I've encountered. I've always pondered why that is... Art is often thought to require an open-mind, so perhaps artistic people are more open-minded in many other aspects of their lives, including their sexuality. Maybe it's because artists put themselves into their work and are more comfortable with the inner and true Self and don't try to cover it up. Maybe I just haven't opened my eyes up enough to other groups. Thoughts, anyone?
[Peterkin Symphonic Band performs summer 2007 <--- I'm in the front row on the far left!
Another clip from summer 2007 - Clarinet Escapade <--- I'm on the far right!
If you want a sense of what the camp was like, this link will send you to a video they made one of the years I was there, mostly to promote the camp, but I think it captures some of the atmosphere]
What I'm getting at here is that some of this kids *did* come from Rocky Mountain House, like Darrin Hagen, and some kids *did* come from other small towns in Alberta where differences in sexuality still aren't embraced. MusiCamp Alberta at Red Deer College, for 2 weeks, permitted and promoted the true Self. Aside from the overall environment and the accepting people, I have a silly notion in my head that the music itself coaxed people out into the open - you put yourself into your music, you fill it with your emotions and expressions and your very essence in many ways. Everyone was putting themselves out there on display for everyone to hear, and we all loved to listen.
I've since observed that many music- and art-oriented scenes and gatherings boast many more people who are open with their sexuality and their sexuality differences than other groups I've encountered. I've always pondered why that is... Art is often thought to require an open-mind, so perhaps artistic people are more open-minded in many other aspects of their lives, including their sexuality. Maybe it's because artists put themselves into their work and are more comfortable with the inner and true Self and don't try to cover it up. Maybe I just haven't opened my eyes up enough to other groups. Thoughts, anyone?
[Peterkin Symphonic Band performs summer 2007 <--- I'm in the front row on the far left!
Another clip from summer 2007 - Clarinet Escapade <--- I'm on the far right!
If you want a sense of what the camp was like, this link will send you to a video they made one of the years I was there, mostly to promote the camp, but I think it captures some of the atmosphere]
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)