…I am a dead leaf upon your branch. I hold the same shape as always, but I have changed. I am dead to you. It makes no matter how long you cling to me. You would have me sit in stasis, coldly upon your unbending will. Don’t you see… Eventually I will either fall or be swept away. Yet, you rest in brittle defiance. Hibernating in ignorance, rooted in place, you’d rather see me browning and decaying. You’d rather see me beneath you than swept off to more lively adventures…
I wrote this at the beginning of last semester when I was having a rough time and doubting myself and where I was going to end up (existential dread, oh my!). This was never meant to be seen by anyone, but it was called to mind today, and I figure I should take a chance and branch out (no pun intended). I think this feeling was reflected in my first blog post regarding my thoughts on Edmonton. I mentioned that I felt stuck within the city's limits - constrained.
I feel now that the feeling of suppression within Edmonton is likely, in part, my own fault. As we've talked about movement through the city, I've become more aware of my habits in terms of transportation. I'm all about efficiency. I drive my boyfriend nuts because I insist on walking diagonally across the street to maximize efficiency in terms of getting to my location. When driving, I take the time to determine the quickest possible route, factoring in red-lights and time spent stopped. If I get stopped at certain lights, I'll turn onto the next road rather than waiting. I get miffed at people who stop to chat in the middle of walkways, because it means having to walk around them. I hate being stopped by people I know as I'm en route to a specific location. I don't use the streets as a social networking system --- that's what Facebook is for. Altogether, my impatient and OCD personality combine to work *against* Edmonton and it's layout. I'm constricting its borders even tighter around me as I try to break through them all for time's sake. I don't take my time to see or enjoy the city as I commute because I'm too busy getting places, rather than enjoying new places or enjoying the prospect of becoming entwined within the city's workings.
I definitely agree that efficiency factors greatly into our lives as urbanites, but I don't think it is any individual's fault. As a society we always want things faster and faster, so we cut out time for enjoying the city—leaving just enough time to get out 1001 things accomplished in a day.
ReplyDelete^Agree with what Robert posted above.
ReplyDeleteI also think that the "feeling of suppression within Edmonton" is also due to the city and the construction of its roads & sidewalks. It's difficult to move within the city when certain roads or paths aren't available. As well, sometimes I feel as though the city has never really encouraged walking around in the city; I've seen ads highlighting the beauty of taking walks along the river valley during the summer - but never anywhere else in the city.
This also makes me wonder about how people who are used to walking everywhere feel when they move to our city; or those who come from the rural areas of Alberta that are moving into the city. Do they feel as restricted as we do? Maybe it's more of a matter of "open" vs. "closed" space - that the "suppression" you feel is more due the crowding of the city with all of its its businesses, reminding you of all the tasks you need to do.
LOVE the notion of streets as a social network. And love especially the fact that I forgot "social network" is already a metaphor for some other kind of engagement. LOL!
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